About
About me
Day one (1974):
I discovered life outside the womb eleven days past my mother’s due date. That’s right, ELEVEN days. Most babies go 9 months. It took 9.3 to create me.
So, 9.3 months post conception, a matter which will not be discussed further, my mother went into labor a little after midnight. She woke my father, whom decided that this would be a great time to get up, get dressed and do his hair. My father has ALWAYS had perfect hair. Seriously, always…even in a swimming pool. I’m pretty sure that it’s not actual hair, but some sort of synthetic fiber discovered through a NASA experiment. Obviously, the fact that my mother was writhing in pain was no excuse to leave the house with bed head. So, with a perfect quaff, he escorted my mother to the hospital. Fortunately, because the labor only lasted four hours, it was just across the street. “Hello world! Hey, you….nice hair!”
Day one through Day 7597
From day one, I began my life in one of the quirkiest little towns you’ve ever seen … Garden City, KS. 70 miles from Colorado, 90 from Oklahoma and entirely contained in a petri dish of bizarre. Among other fascinating facts, Garden City claims to be home to:
- The world’s largest hairball. Weighing in at 55 lbs, it was taken from 1 of the 4 stomachs of a cow. This cow could have quite possibly come from another one of Garden City’s attractions…
- The world’s largest beef packing plant, a vegan’s worst nightmare.
- The world’s largest free, outdoor, concrete, municipal swimming pool, that is, until they started charging a one dollar entrance fee. So much for a record. If you have an extra 2 ½ million gallons of water, and you don’t know what to do it … have I got the answer for you!
- If I were to ever go to a party where colors were invited, I’d want to talk to orange the most.
- I want to visit 6 of the 7 continents. I once saw a presentation on Antarctica. I’ve also seen the color white. Pretty much the same thing.
- I hate unicorns. I am fascinated by medical oddities. If you were born with your twin inside of you, I totally want to be your friend (both of you).
Day 7598 for the next three years
I was thrilled to attend the University of Kansas. I majored in Human Development and Family Life with a specialty in Gerontology … old people. These years taught me that everyone should live in a dorm, a real dorm, not one of those large buildings with multiple suites. You need to share a bathroom with at least 35 people. I suppose you might find a similar experience should you live in a commune or polygamist household, but it’s probably not the same. Plus, the social implications of either are quite outrageous. These years also came with fabulous, hilarious friends, great campus ministries and one of the best basketball teams ever! Rock Chalk!
And then…
I graduated, but stayed close … really close. I didn’t leave. I was actually paid to hang out with older people, I lived with a great roommate (the lesbian rumors were completely false) and I took up shining shoes.
And then…
I moved to the Kansas City metro area. More great roommates, more fun friends and a new church that became my new place of employment.
Day 10,992 through 10,994
I got a plane to travel to Cincinnati, Ohio to hang out and stay with people I really didn’t know and to see my favorite band, Over the Rhine, perform their yearly Christmas concert in the historical Taft Theater. Little did I know that I would meet a boy (I say boy, because he’s 7 years younger. Which means that when I was a senior in high school, he was … yeah, try not to think about it).
5 months later
That boy moved from Florida to Kansas.
30 months later
That boy and I got married at the historical Uptown Theater in Kansas City with many of our close friends and family supporting us. Guess who else was there? Over the Rhine! I get to be one of the people that get to say that the best day of my life was my wedding day, and know that I’m actually telling the truth.
So now
That boy and I live with our two cats. We work very hard to not bring then up in conversations when others are talking about their children.