Archive for January, 2010

Oedipussy Cat And The Cougar Complex

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

I called the vet’s office today to ask if they could send some syringes home with Zoey to make it easy to give him his oral rinse (gotta have fresh breath for the ladies). Brandon picked him up, and had this conversation with the vet receptionist -

Receptionist: Your mother called earlier and wanted to send these syringes home with Zoey.

Brandon: My mother?

Receptionist: Your… wife?

Brandon: Yeah, my wife.

Receptionist: Oh, well you look younger than you are.

Granted, I don’t know that I have ever seen her since I drop him off so early (him being Zoey - Brandon can drive himself now!), but still. Mother?!!! Do I have the voice of a 50 year-old? I don’t smoke. I have both vocal chords. Sigh… cough, cough, cough, gasp.

It does make me want to put these decals on the back of my car, though:
sticker-mothersticker-boy

Posted in Brandon, cats | 6 Comments »

To Sun And Moon

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

In response to the comments made by Sun and Moon on my previous letter to Sun.

Sun and Moon,

Let’s just all calm down. You both mean so much to me in different ways… and times of day.

I mean, Sun - if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. Come on, Sun. Are you going to take my sunshine away? I beg you, please… don’t.

And Moon, what is this, “I know you probably don’t know who I am”? Is the hottest shirt on Amazon, Three Wolf Sun? I don’t think so! You are practically one-quarter David Copperfield (non Dickens sort). Seriously, Moon - you really do matter to me. Let’s face it, there are times when you can be a bit much, causing wild nights in nursing homes and emergency rooms… let alone werewolves (what is it with you and wolves?). But we can make this work. You’ve got to meet me half-way here. I’ll take one small step for man if you take one giant leap. Deal?

You know, the two of you should really think about how you’re acting. Is it any wonder to you that I hang out with Cloud so often? I know neither of you are big fans of his.

Respectfully,
Janelle

p.s. - How do we ditch Snow?

Posted in hijinks and merriment | No Comments »

Going For A Run

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

If you’re not already aware of it, Over the Rhine is your favorite band. You’re welcome. Back in December, Brandon and I went to their concert at the Taft Theater in Cincinnati, and out of it came this gem of a cover - Neil Young’s “Long May You Run.”

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A Letter To The Sun

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

Dear Sun,

It may be just me, but I feel a bit of tension between us. You’ve been distant lately. I think it’s been days if not weeks since I’ve seen you. This just isn’t like you.

I know that I recently purchased a new moisturizer with sun block, but this wasn’t meant as a direct attack on you. I like you. I really do. It’s just that sometimes you can be a bit overbearing, and I feel like I need to set boundaries… like wearing clothing.

Boundaries are a normal part of any healthy relationship. I’m sure it’s hard being so large and full of fire. You have to find a balance between providing daylight and causing heat stroke and cancer. With time and therapy, I know you can do it.

I miss you. I really do. I think it’s time that we meet face to spf protected face and sort this out. Please - if there’s even the slightest bit of hope for our relationship (and my vitamin D dependency), isn’t it worth it?

Sincerely,

Janelle

Posted in hijinks and merriment | 4 Comments »

All Aboard!

Monday, January 4th, 2010

If you’re reading this, I owe you an apology. Why? Because I watched over 1/2 The Bachelor while a pile of laundry coats our closet floor (I close my eyes and pretend that I care about the water I’m saving, and impress myself with how green I am being) and I found myself thinking, “Please don’t choose her.”

As the reader of at least one tasty morsel, you deserve better than this. Because not only did I watch over 1/2 The Bachelor, I also watched much of the show that followed, Conveyor Belt of Love. Grown man after barely grown man traveled slowly across a stage on a conveyor belt  with 60 seconds to convince 5 women that at least one of them should choose to go out on a date with him. And then, my former readers, I called Brandon in from the other room to make him watch how the pretty blond said that she wanted to go on another date with the Chris Farley impersonating, wine connoisseur.

I am on this walk of shame in front of you tonight, and wish I could say that it won’t happen again… but I so enjoy the taste of blood from a good train wreck (tasty, fleshy morsels).

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