I’m not going to lie to you. This blog post is a little shocking.
The other day I had lunch with my friend of 11 years, and she says, “Did I ever tell you that I had a cat that gave birth to a two-headed kitten? I even have a picture of it.” And then she showed me this:
See, I told you - shocking! It’s unbelievable… that I would have a friend that would hold out on me like this. She knows my love of medical oddities.
Just when you thought you knew someone.
I didn’t come up with the idea of DVR. I didn’t think of including the yellow line on televised football games that shows the first down marker. I wasn’t the one that suggested self check-out lines at the store. Nor did I come up with the Fork & Screen at AMC - though I do dream of their buffalo chicken strips (which I also didn’t concoct) often.
There are a lot of great ideas that weren’t mine. I can easily not take credit, but… hell hath no fury like a woman denied proper recognition (at least this woman).
The other night I was at a bachelorette party of a friend of mine when we were playing a game that surprisingly, I liked. We were divided into teams and sent to stores with $5 to spend on an outfit the bride would wear on the honeymoon. We were assigned Hobby Lobby, but on our way there, I suggested Home Depot.
Once we created our “outfit” (it involved wire, paint samples and some strategically placed dust masks… I’m wondering why Victoria Secret hasn’t bothered to call alread), we headed back to the party where one of my team members proudly marched in to the room full of girls with what ended up being the winning outfit and announces, “We went to Home Depot. It was my idea!”
There it was - a blatant lie! A non-truth! A fabrication! Call 9-1-1, ’cause your pants are on fire!!
Not that I’m keeping score or anything, but it’s 1 - 0. You lose.
Brandon’s been sick off and on for the past few weeks. I got a call the other day from him after going to the Minute Clinic (a very small clinic) at CVS.
Brandon: I just wanted to let you know that I went to the doctor, and they think it’s a lingering infection so they gave me another antibiotic.
Me: I’m glad to hear that.
Brandon: Also I bought a slider maker because it was only $25 and I thought it would make me feel better.
Me: A slider maker? Really? Did it make you feel better.
Brandon: Yes, and it will make you feel better too, and you’re not even sick.
Me: I can only imagine how awesome I’ll feel then. Thanks for taking care of me.
Brandon: Yes, well you’re welcome.
This time last year I was given the challenge of heading up a committee that would introduce a wellness initiative to the staff of the church. So in January, the initiative kicked off, and we’ve been going ever since. This summer, we applied to be a Start! Fit Friendly company with the American Heart Association, and lo and behold, we got the recognition. And not only that, as it turns out, we were the first church in the nation to get it.
Granted, I thought this was a fun fact, but then again… it’s my job to think that. I figured our staff would be excited (after all, they were the ones that really participated), maybe even our congregation, but I was somewhat confused when the AHA said they were going to do a press release on the story. Of course I did go ahead and volunteer to be on The View of need be… but I wasn’t entirely as convinced as the AHA was that anyone would pick up the story. I figured it would have to be a pretty slow news day… a day when, let’s say for instance, the biggest national news story is a boy and his balloon.
So NBC Action News decided to run the story. I don’t mean to brag, but I am pretty. big. stuff. I even have the proof:
For those of you keeping track, this does not count against my 15 minutes of fame as it’s not a national source. Now, if Barbara Walters calls me, you can start your stopwatch.
I know. I know. I’ve been an awful blogger lately. I have a really good excuse… I’ve been playing Bejeweled like it’s going of style (as if it was ever in). You may see this as meaningless work, but who are you going to turn to if we’re hit by a meteorite shower of colorful gems and the only way out from under all of them is to match up colors of at least 3 in a row? That’s what I thought.
That, and we have nearly completed finishing our basement recently with the help of Brandon’s mom and dad. But how will that ever help me save anyone when we’re pummeled by a rainbow of jewels?
At any rate, since I’m oh so behind on the internet in general, let me share with you this video which I’m certain you’ve already seen, but if you haven’t I strongly suggest wearing adult diapers while watching it.
If the lyrics in Total Eclipse of the Heart actually matched the original video, it would look like this: