I can’t draw stick figures… even if I try multiple times… with a ruler. So you can imagine my jealousy (we’re not talking about envy at church until this next weekend, so I’m trying to get as much in this week as possible) and admiration for my friend, Jonathan. He does magical work with an Etch-a-Sketch. Look what he can do in 20-30 minutes.
You can check out more of the Etch-a-Sketch magic on his site, rainybayart.com.
I’ve never had a guest writer on this blog, but I figured that it wouldn’t be a bad idea every now and then. It’s difficult to think of new content all of the time. So I’m turning over this tasty morsel to my first guest writer - the Grim Reaper. Take it away, Mr. Reaper!
I have been feeling a little self-conscious lately - like I’ve been doing all this work, and no body’s noticing.
I had been working really hard, spending so much time concentrating on Darfur. But George Clooney hasn’t put out a good movie lately, so coverage has been down. It’s not like Leatherheads was going to put him or the little, dying soldier boys in the spotlight.
I also thought I had a solid idea with swine flu. How can you go wrong with pandemic? But that little piggy went “Wee, wee, wee” all the way home.
So much blood and sweat (theirs, not mine) and no fame to show for it. I had no option but to pull out the celebrity card.
Ed McMahon was a pretty easy one to start with. The only reason he was even still around is that I kept receiving notices from him saying that I had won $25,000,000. But did I ever see even one George Washington (other than the obvious 210 years ago)? Oh no. I most certainly did not. You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep, Eddie boy!
Next came Farrah. She was practically skin and bones to start with, so just bones wasn’t a big leap to make.
I was marking those two off my list, when I noticed something that totally shocked me. Michael Jackson was still alive!! There was his name - right there on the page. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, the last time I saw him, he looked like, well… you know. I guess I just assumed. It was an honest mistake.
I was starting to feel a little more confident at this point, but figured I’d get Billy Mays while I was at it. I am having trouble with the black in my cloak fading. I’ve been assured (very loudly assured) that he can take care of that.
So yeah - it’s been a busy week. I want to thank Janelle for giving me the chance to share about it. And now I best go stir up a few more waves of intense heat, and then I’m off to bed.
We were away on vacation visiting Brandon’s family in Florida. There is way too much to write about, and when words can’t cover it all, that’s where fire spinning videos step in. Brandon’s sister and her boyfriend joined in on the family trip. Both of them happen to spin fire as a part-time gig (beat that for family entertainment!).
Alex spinning
One week ago, we got Sherlock, the newest addition to what I can only imagine will one day be the greatest cat exhibit outside of the San Diego zoo. I figure that if we can get them to do tricks, we can start charging admission.
Sherlock is playful and sweet. He likes purring, eating and long walks on the couch.
Franny and Zoey are adjusting to the new addition. Last night, Sherlock let Zoey eat some of his food. That was pretty much all that Zoey needed. A friend with food, is a friend of Zoey’s.
While shining shoes yesterday, a “normal looking” man started to pass by, and then came back and stood right in front of my stand. I’d never talked to him before, but that was about to change.
Man: You have teenagers?
Me (after my shock in his assumption of my age): Nope
Man: Well don’t have them.
Me: I’ll keep that in mind.
Man: Yeah, my daughter wanted to go to Rock Fest last weekend, so I organized this whole group of teenagers and parents to go. There were 28 teenagers and 6 parents. I had this meeting with all the parents the day before explain to them what their kids were going to see at this concert. Some parents just have no idea. You gotta let your children be exposed to things.
(keep in mind I have never talked to this man)
Man (continued): And everyone behaved except for one of the adults. She got just completely drunk.
Me: That’s too bad.
Man: Yeah, she was totally wasted… and lactating!
(shocked look came over my face at this point)
Man (continued as if we’re just talking about the weather): She was lifting up her shirt, and it was just going everywhere. One kid got shot on his face, and we were all like, “That’s not water!”
At that point, one of my annoying shoe shine customers came through the door. I’ve never been so happy to see him.
If you’re not already aware, our cat that found us on the street, Tilly, went to live with my brother when he moved out a week ago. She just couldn’t get see that his hunger for her was not literal. So now she’s the sole cat in an apartment, and she’s loving it!
As you can imagine, Zoey did not take this well. If cats were into bands, he would so be listening to Dashboard Confessional right now. There was much moping when she left, and he would barely leave her room (only to come down a couple of times to eat his emotions away). He keeps looking under the bed, in the window, in the closet. Poor, buddy.
So… we’re getting another cat. We’re sticking with the literary themed names, and adopting Sherlock today. He comes from a foster home that is losing its license by moving across the state line. They have to find new homes quickly.
Picture has been slightly altered
He’s going to the vet to get tutored today, and then comes to live with us tonight. We sure do know how to make a great first impression!
Call us crazy, cat people if you’d like (as I’ve said before, we could be crazy, machete people. cats don’t seem so bad now, do they?, but I’d prefer “The Brad and Angelina of the cat world.”
| Demetri Martin - Cat People | ||||
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Demetri Martin - hilarious. Somewhat similar to Mitch Hedberg, but less dead.
Yesterday, while shining shoes, some customers came in with their adult daughter. I could see that the daughter had something clutched under her arm that seemed furry, but couldn’t tell exactly what. I went in for a closer look. When she pulled it out to pet it, I realized it was a rabbit pelt! I hoped that she never owned the rabbit intact, but assumed that if that was the case, I should just be happy it wasn’t a baby.
And then last night, I was out mowing the yard when all of a sudden I heard the repeated thud of the mower hitting… something. I had run over both baseballs and tennis balls in the yard before (I would think that we live in a ballpark, but have yet to see a concession stand), so I just assumed that’s what it was. When I looked down to see a rabbit turned practically inside-out and in a few pieces, I freaked out. I mowed a bunny!!!
Brandon was pulling into the driveway at the moment, and I couldn’t even talk. Using some sort of loose pantomime, I pointed him in the direction. He assured me the bunny was already dead when I attempted to puree it.
So yesterday was all about the dead bunny, and I dedicate it to Starbuck. Revenge, my friend. Sweet, sweet revenge.
I feel a “You’re welcome” coming on. But let me first say, “Thanks,” to Amy for bringing this to my attention.
If you’re not familiar with Paste Magazine, it publishes musical and cultural goodness. I have bought an issue or two before, but don’t subscribe. And apparently, I’m not the only one - as they are having money problems. I’m impressed with their new tactic to save the magazine- ask for money. If they pull it off, I am considering trying it myself.
But unlike me, they are willing to give you something in return. If you give a donation of any size (even $5), you have access to download songs (many rare) from all sorts of fabulous artists - Over the Rhine, The Decemberists, Brandi Carlile, Derek Webb, The Avett Brothers, String Cheese Incident and tons more.
So join me to save Paste! And if you don’t care, join me to get cheap, good music!!
And… you’re welcome.
It was Saturday night. I was out with friends for dinner (just part of my weekend of gluttony), and then off to see Angels and Demons at the AMC 30 (I’d say rent it and be willing to overlook some silliness. And note that you should not rely on Tom Hanks to save you if you only have an hour left to live).
With our bellies significantly stuffed, we got to the theater only to realize it had sold out! And it’s not as if the movie selection was just bursting with “must sees.” Despite the raving reviews of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, it just doesn’t interest me.
So then - we call the next closest theater hoping that they will have a showing soon. They did, and we had very little time to make it. We didn’t know if it would be sold-out as well, and I nearly bought tickets over the phone, but didn’t know how that would work since it was practically starting right then (run sentence, run!).
We rushed to the theater, bought our tickets from the reigning Miss No Personality and found our theater. As we walked in, I hoped we would be able to find 4 seats together.
As it turns out, I’m pretty sure there were only 4 seats taken.
So, if you live here, don’t mind the beer cans in the parking lot and Miss No Personality greeting you - I suggest the Great Mall of the Great Plains (they use “great” loosely).